Updated: Feb 27, 2022
Jason Wong published an article June 19, 2019 about active fatherhood. And, in the article he states, "Fathers have come a long way. From being the traditional breadwinner and key disciplinarian in my dad’s generation. Today’s dad is more involved, more affectionate, and desires deeper connection with his children".
Not to dismiss any generations of fathering. Because today's dad encompass the roles of the traditional dad, and there is no way around that. In my Father's day blog I mentioned the responsibilities given to man by God. Here is a quick recap of a few:
TO WORK: Gen 2:15 And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.
TO PROVIDE: 1Tim 5:8 Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
TO BE A FATHER: Eph 6:4 gives us two goals. One goal is to avoid provoking our children to anger. The second goal is to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Now with that being said, I also understand that there are circumstances when a father should not be present or not have access to their child(ren). But those particular instances are not what this blog is about.
There are two scenarios I would like to address. Now in these scenarios I am specifically speaking on ACTIVE DADS :
**Please let the record show that I am not pointing fingers at anyone. I have traveled the ins/outs and ups/downs of both scenarios** Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. express my sentiments more eloquently.
THE UNMARRIED PARENTING
Being a single woman and finding out that you are pregnant is scary. I was 23 year of age. After high school my mom offered me the opportunity of college, but what she was not going to do is allow me to waste her money. So, I took the road of working verses college. And for me working as a bank teller was pretty cool and I made decent money. Now lets fast forward to age 24, a single mom with a beautiful baby girl. My then boyfriend was still in the picture and he aske me to marry him. Initially I hesitated because I felt that I had an okay life. (put a pin here).
This is where it gets tricky. Sure I made decent money for ME. But now it's no longer about me, because God allowed me to bring another life into this world. Therefore, the focus now was totally on "HER". Any decisions I made for me would affect her. OH did I mention that my parents were divorced and my mom raised my sibling and I on her own. My mom also had a decent Postal job.
So, now comes the part of sharing this NEWS with my ole school grandmother. And her words to me helped me take the next step. She simply said, " If this young man is owning this, if he treats you good and will work to provide, than take this burden off of your mom and give it a chance. So, I said yes and we became a family.
You see what my grandmother knew, that I didn't know (because I hadn't lived long enough to experience) is its hard being a single mom. You will need help. Do the math, housing utilities, grocery, daycare and the list goes on and on... Well enough about my scenario.
Let me now speak to the single mothers, whether you are young or older. IF the father of your child(ren) is an active father, meaning participates in the financial, emotional and physical care of the child and or you. REMEMBER, its not about you or him. That child needs the presence of both parents. Don't deny him that, please. You guyz can workout the financial part amongst yourselves. But that child(ren) needs the dads love, affection and quality time NOW...
Be grateful that he isn't that dad that is absent and wont buy a pack of pampers or a pacifier, IJS.
THE DIVORCE PARENTING
My children's father and I were married for 15 years. Sounds like along time I know. But times flies when your head is down as you plow through the day to day cares of maintaining a family and raising children. Two perfectly healthy, handsome/beautiful kids, a girl and boy. Both are grown and doing very well.
Okay now lets keep up with the story line. Do you remember me previously mentioning how I bypassed college after high school and went straight to working. That was well and dandy in a two income household. But now I was becoming a single income family. So I realized my current income was not going to support the perks or daily needs my children would need in the future. Because I made the decision to walk away, I now had to pull up my bootstraps and make some necessary changes.
I went back to school. But this time I had my mind right. So, I worked full-time and went to school full-time all while caring for my children and maintaining a household... Never could I have done any of that alone. Along the way I established a strong relationship with God, the supplier of all things. (Hallelujah). My mom pitched in with picking them up from daycare or letting them sleep at her house while I worked night shift, which lifted a load off my mind. There dad moved on but continued to help financially here and there. I was able to complete 2 degrees. At one point during college my daughter and I were in the same English class. She was allowed to call me Sharon during class only...
But what made the separation and divorce process manageable and not so painful for my children is because I never separated them from their dad. He and I couldn't make it but he was an awesome dad to his children, and I would never come between that.
The moral of this blog is, whether the father does something or nothing, if he wants to be active in their lives let him. My grandmother use to always tell me "every tub has to sit on its own bottom". Her meaning was If he does everything or nothing, you do your part and let God do the rest. Because he will have to put in account of it all when God calls his name...
Until the next blog post, Stay safe and Be Blessed!!!